Conversations: Comparison

[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to the YA podcast. [00:00:04] Speaker B: Lean in as we dive into the. [00:00:06] Speaker A: Practicals of life with Jesus as spirit filled young adults. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to the young adults podcast. It is Jess here and I'm so excited and delighted to have you listening in in season three where we've been talking about identity in Christ, which is such a powerful topic. And I'm joined here by your favorite pastor, Kelsey McDonald. [00:00:44] Speaker A: G'day everyone. [00:00:45] Speaker B: Good day. [00:00:46] Speaker A: How are you all doing? I'm good, I'm good. How are you doing? [00:00:50] Speaker B: I'm so good. That's good. Aside from if. Apologies if you can hear that my voice is a little creaky, so. So just bear with us. [00:00:57] Speaker A: We just pray right now in Jesus name, healing over this body. [00:01:00] Speaker B: Amen. [00:01:01] Speaker A: If you hear me wheezing, it's just because I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant. So that's my excuse. But the Lord will grace us for this episode. Yes. [00:01:10] Speaker B: So bear with us. But we're gonna have a fun time today because we're talking about the topic of comparison. [00:01:16] Speaker A: A very fun topic, Very fun topic, Very light hearted comparison. [00:01:19] Speaker B: Not scary at all. [00:01:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Something no one ever deals with. [00:01:22] Speaker B: No, never, never, never, never. So we're just gonna dive straight into it, talking about comparison and I guess how this, what role this plays in our identity with Christ, what it is and how we can address it. So Kelsey, I'll just jump straight over to you and ask you, really, what is comparison? Yeah, what does that mean? [00:01:41] Speaker A: I mean, I think we can all agree it's something that we definitely deal with. And one of the things that I would say probably robs us of experiencing the fullness of our identity in Christ in a very practical way in the sense of, you know, we're relational people and we're living relational lives and there's so much beauty in that. But there's also because of our sin nature and because of our flesh, there's often a lot of struggle that we face in that. And comparison is one of them. I would say from the perspective. I mean, if we're talking about what is comparison, I would define it somehow along the lines of either comparing yourself to a societal ideal or a generalized idea from society, or experiences that you've had, or comparing yourself in a one on one context. So, for example, like comparing yourself to a friend, comparing yourself to an enemy, comparing yourself to a mentor or a leader or somebody in your life. Yeah, either. I feel like most people experience it from the perspective of, you know, creating an ideal in their mind from someone else's Perspective and comparing that to an inferior quality in themselves. [00:02:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:56] Speaker A: Wow. But at the same time, comparison can also manifest itself in the context of thinking that you're superior over somebody else as well. So really it's. Yeah. Comparing yourself to someone else often based off something that we don't know the fullness of anyway. Yeah. You know, we're comparing a little snippet of someone else's life or someone else's experiences or a snippet of a societal expectation or standard to the whole life that we know that we're living. The strengths and weaknesses we have, the sufficiencies and deficiencies we have, and the journey that we've been on. [00:03:32] Speaker B: Yeah, that's never on like the same scale. So as you've mentioned, it's either like their best versus my worst or your actions versus my motivation. [00:03:41] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:42] Speaker B: So it's never on the same scale. Never. Quite fair. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Yeah. And I would say as a bit of a caveat to this episode, we'll probably double more into the how do we deal with comparison when it's me comparing my worst qualities with your best qualities? So more from the how do I deal with when I'm feeling inferior versus how do I deal with when I'm feeling superior? Because we're doing another episode on. On Pride and Shame in a couple of episodes time, which will probably dabble in a little bit more, which I will say also as a side note, feeling inferior and struggling with inferiority and insecurity is just as much pride as superiority. [00:04:23] Speaker B: Yep. [00:04:24] Speaker A: So I chucked that out there as well. But I know that we're going to talk about that more later in the season, so we'll just leave that for now. Yes. [00:04:29] Speaker B: Yes. Okay, so let's talk about personal comparison and like, what does that actually do to us? So from what you've said about, you know, perhaps feeling inferior to someone else, what does it actually do to us when we compare ourselves with others? [00:04:45] Speaker A: So many things. It robs us of the fullness of the identity in Christ that the Lord has already secured for us. [00:04:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:53] Speaker A: You guys would remember Tom and I talking about in the first episode that our identity in Christ is not something that we have to earn. It's something that is given to us as a gift as a result of the inheritance that we already have in Christ. Um, but then we go on the journey of working out what that actually looks like in our lives and coming into the fullness of that. [00:05:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:10] Speaker A: Getting stuck in comparison. I would say two things, and I can maybe expand on this. Or you can add in your thoughts as well, Jess. Comparison keeps us looking inward. [00:05:23] Speaker B: Mm. [00:05:24] Speaker A: Comparison keeps our eyes on ourselves instead of on the Lord. Um, it keeps us focusing on our own deficiencies and the lack that we have in our lives rather than the fullness of the sufficient that Christ has already secured for us. Yeah. And that could be from the perspective of, you know, your identity, your self worth. It could be from the perspective of, you know, practical things like finances. It could be experiences that you've had in your past, your family of origin, so many different things. Pretty much any area of your life you can find a level of comparison in. And really, it keeps our eyes on ourselves. And it actually means we end up missing God. We miss what God's trying to do in our lives. We miss what God's trying to do in our church, in our communities, because we're almost too caught up looking inward and looking at the lack rather than looking at the fullness of what God actually has for us. And it robs us of our joy. [00:06:23] Speaker B: Yep. [00:06:24] Speaker A: Because if I'm spending my life thinking about only my deficiencies, I rob God of the opportunity to bless me and to actually celebrate what God's doing in my life personally. But also, to an extent, it also robs me of the ability to celebrate God moving in other people's lives as well. [00:06:41] Speaker B: A hundred percent. [00:06:42] Speaker A: Because if I'm constantly. What's the word? Intimidated by your success or intimidated by what God's doing in you, or comparing that to what God's not doing in me, I both miss the blessing that God's trying to bring to me in his own unique, personal way for me. But I also miss the opportunity to get to be a sister alongside you and to actually get to celebrate what God's doing in your life to bring about that greater unity in that greater expression of the body of Christ. [00:07:09] Speaker B: 100%. Yeah. And I think we often hear, like, comparison is the faith of joy. Yeah, that's like. It's so true. Like, you can hear that 100,000 times, but, like, not actually sink in. And we just lean into the comparison so freely. I also, I think. But I think that that's why the reason why it steals our joy is because we're never content, because we're never good enough. And then we're partnering with a way of the world that is not the way of the kingdom, which is you don't have to be good enough to earn your salvation. Like, and I know we've already talked about. You guys have already talked about that, but it actually steals us of the joy of our salvation because we are partnering with this old way of thinking. But I also think it's the faith of identity. [00:07:48] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:48] Speaker B: Because then I'm. If I'm living in comparison, I'm living out of behavior modification to make myself look like something because you look a certain way or someone looks a certain way. So I need to look like that, too, rather than actually living out of the way that God made me to be and of the identity that he created me to be. You touched on something which, like, I would like to speak to as well, which is personally, like, I've also been robbed of. Of the joy of celebrating other people's wins. And it says in Romans 12 about, you know, rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. And not to be super spiritual, but sometimes, like, even in the church context, comparison can come up in a spiritual way. Like, or that person's having a spiritual encounter, or that person's, like, seen more salvations than I have. And so then that in my own life has led to me trying to force something and trying to make something happen in striving rather than going, no, this is the gift that God has given me. And I actually want to live out of the gift that he's given me and out of the identity he's given me and robbed me of the ability to celebrate that other person's win and be like, wow, that's amazing. This thing happened in youth, or this thing happened in whatever. And it's like actually celebrating what God is doing and partnering with that. [00:09:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:02] Speaker B: And it's like, at times it's robbed me of that because I've compared, oh, your win means my loss because it makes you look better than me, which is obviously not true. But that's what. That's what comparison does in our minds. [00:09:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:14] Speaker B: And I think that's really important why we have to take our thoughts captive. [00:09:16] Speaker A: Oh, 100. [00:09:17] Speaker B: Like, I'll just quickly read Second Corinthians 10 as I flick over there. Casting down. So this is 10, verse 5. It says casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity for the. To the obedience of Christ and ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. And this is talking about, like, anything that exalts itself will be humbled, obviously. So when these thoughts exalt themselves, we actually need to take them captive and bring them into submission to Jesus in order to partner with what he says for us. To do, which is to rejoice with. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Those who rejoice and to weep with those who weep. Yeah. And I think one of the challenges we face. Well, I know I face it in my life, is I guess if we ask a question, well, what happens when we start comparing ourselves? I would say more often than not, we either bottle ourselves back in, like, shame and we almost, like, shut ourselves down and hide away, or we start to almost like, chameleon our way into all the ideals that we're seeing in everybody else. Because we think that that's the standard or that's the expectation we should have of ourselves. The struggle with that is the more and more that we try to chameleon ourselves into a facade for the sake of performance, the further and further we get away from the true self that God's actually called us to be. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:45] Speaker A: And who's like, he's actually fashioned us to be. And there's so many struggles that we have with that. There's a book called Abba's Child. It's one of my favorite books. But the author talks a lot about almost like this imposter person that we are. And something that he talks about that's always stuck with me since I read it, was when I'm trying to put up a facade and I'm being almost like a false self for the sake of self preservation or trying to be something that I'm not. God, that God actually doesn't know that person. Like, if I'm trying to be this false self for the sake of performance or to please you or to fit into a standard that, you know, I think I should have to be for society or my family or whatever. God actually doesn't know that person because that's not the person that he fashioned and that's not the person that he called. And I feel like there's, I guess, honesty that we have to have before God that, you know, I know there's been times in my life that I'm coming into his presence, and especially in a church context too. It's like, you know, I'm lifting my hands in worship and I'm doing all the things because I feel like I have to. Because I want to look super spiritual and I want to look like I'm having an encounter with God, but there's actually nothing happening in my heart because I've got every wall up. God actually can't minister into those places. [00:12:06] Speaker B: Wow. [00:12:07] Speaker A: It actually requires us to have a humility before God to go honestly, God. I'm presenting this to you at the altar to go, I feel like I'm not enough here. Or when I look at that person, I feel intimidated by how well they're doing and how I feel like I'm not doing well enough. So can I actually lay that at your feet and allow you to minister to that? [00:12:24] Speaker B: Wow. [00:12:25] Speaker A: It's us allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough before God to help him reveal the true person that he's created us to be. And I feel like in that revelation is actually when we start to feel content in the identity he's called us to, and we start to walk away from comparison and actually into the fullness of what he has for us. [00:12:44] Speaker B: That's so good. It's like sometimes we forget that God is a relational being. And if he's an employee, then he wants results and performance, but he's not. Like, there's nothing worse than your friend saying to you, I don't even know you anymore. Like, you know when, like, maybe you see movies, but I've had friends that actually say this to me. And it's. It's when you're just trying so hard to perform something and to look a certain way or whatever. And it's like, you're not being authentic to yourself. And someone says, I don't even know you. That is actually one of the worst things that someone can say to you. And like, God is relational too. He's our friend, he's our Father, and he wants to know us. And if we have walls up to him, then he's like, we're not actually going to allow him in to know us in that way. [00:13:26] Speaker A: Totally. I think something else that we struggle with when we allow comparison to dictate who we are or, like, what we present and what we're forward with versus what we hide is it actually disqualifies God from using those facets of our life as well. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Yeah, okay, that's good. [00:13:46] Speaker A: And you. I think sometimes we want to be the determinant of what God should use and what he shouldn't. And then we almost feel shameful about the other parts of our life, for example. And, you know, this could be things that we can control. It can be things that you can't control. [00:14:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:00] Speaker A: Like you can't control what your family of origin was like. [00:14:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:03] Speaker A: You can't control what traumas you face when you're a child or what experiences you've had in your young adult years up until this point. But you can decide whether you allow God into those spaces so he can actually use it for his glory or not 100%. And I think, you know, you can experience that in other things as well, like calling. I know I've had times where, if I'm totally honest, the Lord's spoken to us about things. I'm like, I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know if that's. You know, there's a real resistance in me of, like, God, I actually don't want to be used that way. If I'm just being totally honest, that's good. And sometimes looking at other people's lives and the things that the Lord's calling other people to and almost glorifying the way that the Lord wants to use them. [00:14:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:48] Speaker A: And disqualifying what God actually wants to use me for. [00:14:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:51] Speaker A: And almost being like, oh, well, that's all well and good that you get to have that nice, comfortable life and you get to stay in Melbourne while I'm getting called overseas. Or, you know, you get. [00:14:59] Speaker B: Or vice versa. [00:15:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Or like, you know, you get to be married and I have to be single, or like, you get to have kids and I can't. I've got fertility issues. Like, you know what I mean? Like, and almost going, well, we're almost setting the standard of what we feel like is worthy of being used. When God's going, he literally calls the unqualified. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Yeah, literally. [00:15:21] Speaker A: And he turns all things for his good and he uses all things for his glory. So who are we actually to decide what the deficiencies in us are that he shouldn't be able to touch and that he should only be able to use our strengths? You know what I mean? [00:15:32] Speaker B: That is so good, Kelsey. Yeah. And I think what, like, what you're alluding to, it brings us really well to the next topic that I wanted to touch on within that, which is how does it actually affect other people when we compare ourselves? How does that affect the body of Christ? How does that affect God when we compare ourselves and we just focus on our deficiencies? [00:15:53] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it. Simply put, it means that we don't get to see the fullness of Jesus expressed in the body. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:02] Speaker A: And we can read scriptures. I think just maybe you had the scripture up and we talked about this so much last season. So if you want the full, I guess, you know, talk about the body of Christ, go back and listen to season two, because we talked about till the cows came home there. But the reason why is because it's so important. If I'm thinking that I'm inferior based off things in my life and that you're superior based off things in your life or vice versa. I'm not bringing my full expression of who Jesus has called me to be, and you're not bringing your full expression, which means both of us are actually missing out, and the bride is missing out on the fullness of who she's called to be and who Jesus is actually coming back for. Because we're deciding whether we feel like it's worthy of being brought and worthy of being contributed into the body or not. [00:16:52] Speaker B: Yeah, totally. And I think, like, at risk of saying the same thing again and again, because we have talked a lot about the corporate body, I think it's really important to understand that our differences are actually what make up our unity and give us a chance to be unified. And there is definitely a misunderstanding among people that think unity means uniformity, which means that, like, in order for us to both agree on something or to be unified, then we need to look the same or need to think the same or whatever. We need to be uniform. We need to have the same expression. But that's actually not true, because the Bible, that's a worldly system. And without going too much into it, like, if the world says that the same is good and different is bad, that is a fair foundation for racism, for sexism, for bullying. Like, it's a foundation for all these sorts of things because they're saying, well, your differences or my differences make one of us bad. And actually that's not what the Bible teaches. So I just want to quickly read First Corinthians 12. I know you've heard it a thousand times, but there's a beauty in repetition. Chapter 12, verse 4 says, There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. There are diversities of activities, but the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the prophet of all. And it goes to talk about what the different gifts are. And then down in verse 11, it. It says, the same one in the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as he wills. For as the body is one and has many members, but all members of that one body, being many, are one body. So is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks or slaves or free, and have all been made to drink into one spirit. For in fact, the body is not one member, but many. And it's like it's again and again this oneness, not about uniformity, but Oneness. My body is one because of all the body parts that come together to make it one. Right. And then it goes. [00:18:54] Speaker A: Not everybody parts the same. [00:18:56] Speaker B: Yes. And that would be really weird. That would be very weird. And that's exactly what the next. Next passage talks about in 15 through verse 15 through to 19, where it's like, well, you know, why should one body part say the other? You're this and that. So, like, it's like. It's. Which is literally comparison. It's literally. There's literally comparison. [00:19:11] Speaker A: Like that Scripture is comparison. [00:19:13] Speaker B: It is comparison in. It's exactly like. And it's interesting because this is, like, written to the Corinthians. And the context of Corinth at the time was that it was all about social status. It was very competitive. And even, like in chapter two, when Paul says, I didn't come to an eloquence because they cared about eloquence and status and who's better than who and how much do you know? And it was all about comparison. And that's actually why Paul talks about this and why he talks about the gifts being used in diversity. Because this worldly system, as much back then as it is today, is all about, well, who's better than who. And we definitely struggle with that a lot in Australia specifically. But this comparison is like. It's literally absurdity. Like, it's like, we can't even compare these things. And it's like, comparison, as we were talking about earlier, about, like, it's not. It can't be on the same scale because it, you know, like, it's not even designed to be. And as you said, it robs us of the fullness of the character of God. We actually cheat God of his fullness. Because God doesn't just think like, Kelsey, God doesn't just think like, Jess, God thinks so. His ways are so much higher and so much grander than ours that he designed me to think and act and look the way that I think and act and look, and you to think and act and look and express the way that he's designed you to. And we need all of our differences to show all of the facets of the beauty of God. And when it's like, well, I don't. I'm not like this. We actually are cheating God of that. We're robbing God of that. And I think it puts a little bit of the fear of the Lord in you. Because, like, yeah, totally. Nothing we do. Nothing we do is, like, doesn't. Doesn't not affect someone else. Like, everything we do affects each other. [00:20:52] Speaker A: Yep. [00:20:52] Speaker B: And the way that I express Jesus has an effect on you. [00:20:56] Speaker A: So I think, I think as well. Can I just add something? [00:20:58] Speaker B: Yeah, totally. [00:20:59] Speaker A: I think when we're talking about this sort of topic and we're talking about, you know, like the very practical, like, what does this mean for the way that we come together as a body of Christ and how we're actually brothers and sisters to each other. [00:21:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:12] Speaker A: There's a responsibility of stewardship that I have for my own identity in Christ. But I would also argue that there's a responsibility that I also have to my brothers and sisters to embrace and fully call out the true identity of Christ in them as well. And I think this is something that, you know, we can talk about almost theoretically and go like, well, as long as you embrace your identity in Christ and like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, like, and you can almost. You don't want to dumb it down too far. Like, we want to embrace the truth of the scripture, but you also don't want it to become almost this like band aid of like, well, you're dealing with something. So just embrace your identity in Christ more and you'll be okay. Because it's a group effort and God calls us into family for a reason. And it can be as simple as, I mean, my stewardship first of, well, it's not your responsibility to affirm me and to, you know, like, yeah, that's good. Yeah, like, it's not your responsibility solely to make me feel better about myself. It's not my husband's job to tell me I'm beautiful and tell me I'm wonderful, even though he does because he loves me. [00:22:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:22] Speaker A: First and foremost, I need to be going to the Source and actually having the Lord reveal that to me first and foremost, straight from the words, straight from, you know, my prayer time with him and being authentic before him, all of those sorts of things. But at the same time, when I'm then coming into the body of Christ, it's my responsibility as well to help foster an environment where people can be their true selves. [00:22:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:45] Speaker A: Because if we're saying we want everyone to be their authentic self, but then they come in on a Sunday or they come into life group and we're even subconsciously expecting people to be a certain way. [00:22:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Or we look at someone and we judge someone, well, no wonder they're going to feel inferior if they low key feel like we're judging them. Do you get what I mean? [00:23:03] Speaker B: 100%. [00:23:04] Speaker A: And so how do we, how do we embrace people? Well, when they're different to us? [00:23:09] Speaker B: That's so good. [00:23:10] Speaker A: And how do we not automatically start sizing ourselves up against each other and going, oh, well, I'm better than you because you're a little bit weird or, you know, you seem really cool. So now suddenly I feel insecure. But actually, how do we foster an environment together as a community that everyone can be their true, authentic self and actually live out their identity in Christ to a point where we're all feeling content. [00:23:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:31] Speaker A: In our own identity, therefore, we can all embrace each other better. Does that make sense? [00:23:36] Speaker B: Yeah, it does. And you remind me of, like, Hebrews 12, where it talks about surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and they're like. I just imagine like these people cheering you on. Looking to Jesus is what the next line says. So it's like not looking at the people around me, but I'm looking at Jesus and people are cheering me on as we look to Jesus. So as you said, not looking for affirmation from others, but always freely giving it to others and always encouraging them. And like, what we focus on grows and like, what we create space for will continue to breed. So if I. If I'm encouraging you, then naturally that's going to shift the culture and you're going to encourage me. And I'm not doing it for that motivation, but you know what I mean. Like, I think that encouragement and cheering each other on is so important. And actually, like, not to go into the practicals, but I think we're going to go there in a sec anyway. But I think for me, something I've had to do is almost create a cognitive dissonance between how I feel and what my behavior is doing. So let's say, for example, I have a particular feeling towards someone. I'm comparing myself to them, or I'm annoyed by them, or I'm judging them, actually rising above that and making my attitude. Sorry, making my behavior misaligned with that wrong feeling, and so intentionally loving them, intentionally encouraging them, intentionally calling out the golden. And often I need the Holy Spirit because, you know, if I think bad things towards someone, but if I say Holy Spirit, help me to see the best in this person and then speak it out and call it out. As I keep doing that, my heart actually gets changed, my attitude towards that person actually gets changed. And sometimes we have to do things before we are fully there. Like, before our minds fully grasp it. Like, our spirit has to lead and we have to lead by our spirit to encourage that person from the truth of Knowing that, okay, this is someone that God has made in his image, and I'm going to call out that gold until my heart, until my mind believes it. [00:25:27] Speaker A: That's so true. [00:25:28] Speaker B: It's like smiling when you don't feel happy. Like, there's actually. I'm not a psychologist, but there's actually a psychology behind it. Like, smiling makes you feel happier. [00:25:34] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's. It's the principle of taking every thought captive, I think. Did you read that same scripture? [00:25:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I did. Yeah. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Taking every thought captive to the subjection of Christ. [00:25:43] Speaker B: Yes. [00:25:44] Speaker A: Is as much about what's happening in my mind for myself personally. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:49] Speaker A: As well as what's happening in my mind and my spirit on behalf of someone else. [00:25:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:54] Speaker A: In the sense of if I'm starting to feel rubbed up the wrong way at something you've said, for example, or I'm starting to compare myself and size myself up to you. That's a thought, and that's a thought process that I need to take captive in order to make sure my actions don't reflect what that thought is, but actually that I bring it under subjection of the truth of the Word. [00:26:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:15] Speaker A: And go, well, she's a daughter, and so I'm going to love her like a daughter. Even though my flesh response is that I'm triggered by something right now or that I'm upset or I feel insecure, I have a choice whether I choose to lean into that feeling and actually allow my behavior to be reactionary, or if I take the extra two seconds to go, hold up Holy Spirit, that's not a thought from you. I'm taking that thought captive. Show me the truth of what I need to bring into this situation. And then allowing our actions to be a response out of the love of Jesus. Yeah. Rather than our reactions. [00:26:47] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think. I think everything, like, really ultimately comes back to responding, not reacting. [00:26:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:53] Speaker B: And not putting the blanket band aid of, oh, I was just being honest, but actually, like, no. What is the truth? [00:27:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:00] Speaker B: Not just the honesty, but actually the truth. [00:27:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:03] Speaker B: So we're not being inauthentic, but we're being authentic to our identity and to the truth rather than prioritizing how we feel in a particular moment. [00:27:13] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think if I'm really honest, majority of the times that I get upset or annoyed about something deep down inside, there's a root of an insecurity in me that's just showing its ugly head in that situation. [00:27:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:26] Speaker A: And often, unfortunately, it's after the fact that you're like, oh, like, why did I say that? Or why did I wreck like that? Or why did I feel like that? And then you realize it's actually a root issue in you more than it was actually that person and what they were doing in that situation. [00:27:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:41] Speaker A: And I think that's, you know, conflict management in any situation is, you know, you want to come together and be honest and go, you know, if I say something to you out of my insecurity because I feel threatened by you in a situation that I'm able to come and go like, hey, I'm actually sorry I did that, even if you may have still hurt me. There's a level of insecurity that I've partnered with in that moment to allow myself to be affected the way that I have that I need to be honest about as well. Whether that's in a confrontation with a brother or sister or just my honesty before God to God. I feel threatened right now because I'm insecure, because I'm comparing myself to that person. [00:28:19] Speaker B: Yeah. 100. [00:28:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:20] Speaker B: So if we just go super practically, how do we. How do we actually overcome comparison in our own lives? Whether it is a comparison of, oh, someone's better than me or someone's smarter than me or more spiritual or whatever, or whether it's body image and how I look or whether it is my past, my family of original. Any of those things, how do we practically overcome comparison? And I've restarted this. But, like, what would you say would be some practical tips? [00:28:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I would say the first and foremost would be that we prioritize truly coming back to the word of God and allowing that to be the thing that shapes and feeds us daily. The times in my life that I can think of that I've felt the most insecure or the most comparison in my life or the most disqualified from the call of God for my life is honestly the times that I'm not coming back to him often enough. And it's a deadly cycle we end up in where one day out of his courts leads to two days out of his courts leads to three days out of his courts. [00:29:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:21] Speaker A: And then you're suddenly like, why do I feel miserable? Why do I feel like I'm suddenly comparing myself? It's like, well, you've chosen to not feed yourself on the right things. [00:29:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:31] Speaker A: And I feel like this is especially a bit of a side note, but especially important when it comes around, like, social media. [00:29:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:39] Speaker A: Social media is designed to hook you in, man. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:42] Speaker A: Like, it is designed, especially these days, like, if we're all honest with ourselves and how much we scroll Through Reels or TikTok or YouTube or whatever it is. And we don't always consciously have the thought, but we are reaffirming something inside of ourselves, of I've got to look like that girl, or I've got to have a career, like that person. Or they're happy because they have money, or all of these things that can just flow out of the highlight reel of what social media is. And then we're comparing that with all the ugly parts of our lives. It's because we're feeding ourselves off the wrong thing that suddenly we start to feel discontent with where God's actually got us. And so I feel like there's such an importance of coming back to the Word and both in the Logos sense, like, open your Bibles and find truths about what God says about your identity in Christ. Like, have those scriptures as bedrocks to your life that you know that in the moments that you start to feel insecure or you start to compare yourself, that you can go back to the truths of the scripture and actually allow it to transform your life. There's the Logos, but there's also the rhema. There's a spoken word of God. What are the things that the Lord's declaring over your life? What are the things that he's calling you to that you can actually reaffirm and bring to him in prayer and go, God, you've called this out in me. You've called me to be like this. You've, you know, said that this is who I am in you. Yeah. And hold onto those almost like prophetic words as bedrocks as well. [00:31:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:12] Speaker A: You know those moments that you start to feel insecure, you go, well, no, Lord, I don't need to be looking out that way because you've already spoken into my spirit in this way, and that's actually what I want to choose to hold on to. [00:31:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:21] Speaker A: Did you have anything that's really good? [00:31:24] Speaker B: Not specific on that, but I guess I just. Another thing in that is also just recognizing where our domain starts and ends. Like, what's in God's and what's in ours? Like, yeah, what are some of the habits that we're doing? Like, social media is a great example. What are some other habits that we're doing that only feed further comparison? And, like, I think you'll know what this is in your life. I think for me, like, whether it's specifically about physical looks, if I'm constantly doing xyz, then it only ever leads Me to comparison, whether it's the way that I dress or my hair or whatever it is, that those things actually breed further comparison. Instead of bringing every. Like, you can bring all these things to Jesus. You can bring what you wear to Jesus. You can bring how you dress and how you carry yourself. You can bring all of these things to Him. And yeah. Being aware of what, like, what are those things that feed it. And also, like, recognizing, okay, I can change what I can change. And some things are not for me to change, but actually for me to ask God, like, okay, why, like, you know, to bring him into that process as he mentioned earlier. [00:32:30] Speaker A: Yeah, totally. And I think something else that the Lord's really, I guess, like, highlighted in my life that I would say has really helped me on this journey of comparison is learning to be authentic first and foremost before God. Like we spoke about before. God can't transform what we're not willing to bring to Him. And so if I'm not willing to bring my insecurities and my flaws and my deficiencies and my weaknesses to him, to allow him to use as a vessel for his glory, then I'm not. I'm robbing myself of that transformative power at work in my life. [00:33:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:11] Speaker A: So that's one element. Truly being honest before God and going, God, I'm really struggling with this. Can you come and can you speak into this situation? But I think also something else that the Lord's really ministered to me through is actually learning how to be truly authentic in my relationships as well. And obviously there's wisdom with that. But I think, you know, you can understand that the level to which you're willing to be authentic with someone also invites them into a greater level of authenticity with you as well. And so surrounding yourself with people that you can bring on the journey and be truly honest with how you're going in life. [00:33:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:53] Speaker A: Because often the reason we end up in the trap of comparison is because we are looking at all the ideals in someone else's life and we're looking at the ugly mess in our own life. [00:34:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:03] Speaker A: And we know that it's not actually realistic that someone else's life is perfect and mine's a hot mess. [00:34:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:11] Speaker A: And actually when I open myself up to not feel like I have to be perfect because I think you're perfect, and I actually go, hey, I'm struggling with this, or I'm dealing with this in my work world, or I'm dealing with this in my family, that then invites that other person to go, yeah, to be Honest, I'm actually really struggling with this, too. And then suddenly you're like, oh, we both need the grace of God. Yeah, we both need to encourage each. [00:34:33] Speaker B: Other, lift each other up. [00:34:35] Speaker A: Yeah, totally. And I think it just creates this. I think that's one of the things that I think about when I. When I imagine a church environment or a Body of Christ environment where we all are able to be content in our identity in Christ is not just celebrating the best in each other, but also. Not just celebrating the best in each other, but also being willing to share the challenging parts, too. But then being able to come alongside each other and actually lift each other's arms up 100%. [00:35:07] Speaker B: And the world's lens would say, okay, you know, in order to make myself feel better about my situation, when I see your ideal is to imagine what might possibly be wrong with your life. And then I've built up more lies in my head. But actually to come in lowly, to come in humbly, to be authentic with someone else and create space for them, to be authentic with us. [00:35:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:28] Speaker B: And to truly honor that person for the way God made them to be and honor yourself in good stewardship of the way that God's made you to be. And I think that that. That, as you said, would be the place where we see heaven on earth. That would be the place where we are all content and who God created us to be. And when I say, you know, like, we can use that word, contentment, but, like, content with growing in him and content on the journey that we're on and the process that we're on of becoming more like Him. Not to become stagnant, but, yes, really honor the Lord, enjoy in the midst of what we're in. That's a great place to land, Kelsey. [00:36:03] Speaker A: Amen. [00:36:04] Speaker B: We hope that this podcast has blessed you, and we hope that this conversation has even sparked further conversation with you and your friends. That something you can talk about, maybe you can share something you're struggling with with someone else this week and create a space for less comparison and honoring of the Lord and who he's created and designed you to be and who he's designed others to be. So thanks for listening, and we will see you in the next episode. Bye.